Funny Definitions

Aquadextrious:

The art of turning the bathtub tap on with your toes.

Pain:

A cat licking your sunburn.

Budget:

A method for going broke methodically.

Willpower:

The ability to eat only one salted peanut.

Profanity:

The linguistic crutch of inarticulate idiots.

Boat:

A hole in the water surrounded by wood into which one pours money.

Bachelor:

One who treats all women as sequels.

Cigarette:

A pinch of tobacco, wrapped in paper, fire at one end, fool at the other.

Flashlight:

A case for holding dead batteries.

Taxpayer:

Someone who doesn't have to take a public service exam to work for the government.

Consciousness:

That annoying time between naps.

Stress:

The confusion created when ones mind overrides the body's basic desire to choke the living daylights out of some idiot who desperately needs it.

Jury:

Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer

Chickens:

The only animals you eat before they are born and after they're dead.

Hospitality:

Making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were.

Adult:

A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

Source: Internet

Fun And Facts

Fact: 50% of the doctors practicing in this country
today graduated in the lower half of their class.

Doctor: "Mrs. Larson, you're not going deaf in your
left ear, you seem to have a suppository stuck in there."

Mrs. Larson: "Well now I know what
happened to my hearing aid."

Actual Doctors' Names

Dr. Barker...Veterinarian

Dr. Hacker...Surgeon

Dr. Skinner...Dermatologist

Dr. Born...Ob-Gyn

Dr. Groth...Oncologist

Dr. Butt...Gastroenterology

Dr. Tickles...Pediatrician

Dr. Looney...Psychiatrist

Dr. Bone...Orthopedics

Dr. Gore...Emergency Medicine

Dr. Kidd...Pediatrician

Dr. Foote...Podiatrist

--------------------------------------------------

If you've got your health, you've got everything.
And if you don't have your health,
sooner or later your doctor has everything.

Source: Internet

The Price They Paid:

Have you ever wondered what happened to the 56 men who signed the Declaration of Independence? Five signers were captured by the British as traitors, and tortured before they died. Twelve had their homes ransacked and burned. Two lost their sons in the revolutionary army, another had two sons captured. Nine of the 56 fought and died from wounds or hardships of the revolutionary war. They signed and they pledged their lives, their fortunes, and their sacred honor. What kind of men were they? Twenty-four were lawyers and jurists. Eleven were merchants, nine were farmers and large plantation owners, men of means, well educated. But they signed the Declaration of Independence knowing full well that the penalty would be death if they were captured. Carter Braxton of Virginia, a wealthy planter and trader, saw his ships swept from the seas by the British Navy. He sold his home and properties to pay his debts, and died in rags. Thomas McKeam was so hounded by the British that he was forced to move his family almost constantly. He served in the Congress without pay, and his family was kept in hiding. His possessions were taken from him, and poverty was his reward. Vandals or soldiers or both, looted the properties of Ellery, Clymer, Hall, Walton, Gwinnett, Heyward, Ruttledge, and Middleton. At the battle of Yorktown, Thomas Nelson Jr., noted that the British General Cornwallis had taken over the Nelson home for his headquarters. The owner quietly urged General George Washington to open fire. The home was destroyed, and Nelson died bankrupt. Francis Lewis had his home and properties destroyed. The enemy jailed his wife, and she died within a few months. John Hart was driven from his wife's bedside as she was dying. Their 13 children fled for their lives. His fields and his gristmill were laid to waste. For more than a year he lived in forests and caves, returning home to find his wife dead and his children vanished. A few weeks later he died from exhaustion and a broken heart. Norris and Livingston suffered similar fates. Such were the stories and sacrifices of the American Revolution. These were not wild eyed, rabble-rousing ruffians. They were soft-spoken men of means and education. They had security, but they valued liberty more. Standing tall, straight, and unwavering, they pledged: "For the support of this declaration, with firm reliance on the protection of the divine providence, we mutually pledge to each other, our lives, our fortunes, and our sacred honor." Targetshooter's notes: They gave you and I a free and independent America. The history books never told you a lot of what happened in the revolutionary war. We didn't just fight the British. We were British subjects at that time and we fought our own government! Perhaps you can now see why our founding fathers had a hatred for standing armies, and allowed through the second amendment for everyone to be armed. Frankly, I can't read this without crying. Some of us take these liberties so much for granted. We shouldn't. Peace my friends.

Source: Internet

Lee County Mississippi Historical Sites

"543", purchased by Judge C.P. Long in 1898. It was destroyed by fire and rebuilt. In 1936, it was rebuilt again after it was destroyed by a tornado. 543 Jefferson St, Tupelo

Brice Home, owned by Capt. William R. Brice; Bethany. Source: "Hometown Mississippi", James Brieger, 1997.

(Barlow) Burrow House (aka Evelyn Burrow Bolton House); 2nd St, Saltillo

Clayton House, built 1890s by Washington Lafayette Clayton, 425 N Church St, Tupelo

Clayton Store (historical), Tupelo

Garmons Mill (historical), Bissell

(R. F.) Goodlett House (aka Frank O. Goodlett House); Broadway, Tupelo

Guntown Academy (aka Old Academy), established 1858; Guntown. Source: "Hometown Mississippi", James Brieger, 1997.

Lee County Farm (historical), Tupelo

Palmetto Methodist Church, buil 1853 on land donated by Dr. William H. Calhoun;

Palmetto. Source: "Hometown Mississippi", James Brieger, 1997.

Parker's Store (historical), Guntown

(Elvis) Presley's Birthplace, shotgun home built 1934 by Elvis Presley's father and grandfather; Elvis Presley Dr, Tupelo

Providence College, chartered 1886, closed 1891; Nettleton. Source: "Hometown Mississippi", James Brieger, 1997.

Smith's Store (historical), Ellistown

(F. L.) Spight House (aka Shuttleworth, Smith & Webb Law Offices); Broadway, Tupelo

Stewart-Anderson House (aka Kitchens House); Church St, Tupelo

Tupelo Homesteads (aka Tupelo Quarters); Co Rds 665 & 657 & Co Dr 647, Tupelo

Wood's Store (historical), Ellistown

Source: Internet

The Power Of Words

Click Here to view the video.

Source: Youtube

America in Color from 1939-1943

Click Here to see the Denver Post: These images, by photographers of the Farm Security Administration/Office of War Information, are some of the only color photographs taken of the effects of the Depression on America’s rural and small town populations. The photographs are the property of the Library of Congress and were included in a 2006 exhibit Bound for Glory: America in Color.

Source: Denverpost.com

Nobody's Child

"Nobody's Child" is a song written by Cy Coben and Mel Foree. It was first recorded by Hank Snow in 1949 and it became one of his standards, although it did not chart for him. The song has been covered a number of times in the UK; it was on Lonnie Donegan's first album in 1956 (which went to #2 as an album in the UK), it was covered by Tony Sheridan and The Beatles in 1961 in Hamburg, and in 1969 Karen Young took the song to #6 on the UK charts and used it as the title track on her album. In 1969 Hank Williams Jr. did a version of it that made it to #46 on the US Country charts. The Traveling Wilburys' 1990 version made it to #44 on the UK charts.

The song lyrics are about an orphan whom no one wants to adopt because he is blind:

I'm nobody's child, I'm nobody's child
Just like a flower I'm growing wild
No mommy's kisses and no daddy's smile
Nobody wants me, I'm nobody's child

Traveling Wilburys release

The Traveling Wilburys version of "Nobody's Child" was the first track on the benefit album Nobody's Child: Romanian Angel Appeal, released on 24 July 1990. Wilbury member George Harrison had also appeared on the 1961 Beatles/Tony Sheridan version. Other members of the Traveling Wilburys on this track were Bob Dylan, Jeff Lynne, and Tom Petty.

Lyrics:

I'm nobody's child I'm nobody's child I'm like a flower just growing wild
There's no mommy's kisses and no daddy's smiles
Nobody wants me I'm nobody's child

As I was slowly passin' an orphan's home one day
I stopped there for a moment just to watch the children play
Alone a boy was standin' and when I asked him why
He turned with eyes that couldn't see and he began to cry
I'm nobody's child.... Some people come for children and take them for their own
But they all seem to pass me by and leave me all alone
I know they'd like to take me but when they see I'm blind
They always take some other child and I'm left behind
I'm nobody's child...

No mother's arms to hold me or soothe me when I cry
Sometimes it gets so lonely here I wish I could die
I'll walk the streets of heaven where all the blinds can see
And just like for the other kids there'd be a home for me
No mommy's kisses and no daddy's smiles nobody wants me I'm nobody's child

New Year Prayer

God grant us this year a wider view,
So we see others' faults through the eyes of You.
Teach us to judge not with hasty tongue,
Neither the adult ... nor the young.

Give us patience and grace to endure
And a stronger faith so we feel secure.
Instead of remembering, help us forget
The irritations that caused us to fret,

Freely forgiving for some offense
And finding each day a rich recompense
In offering a friendly, helping hand
And trying in all ways to understand..

That all of us, whoever we are,
Are trying to reach an unreachable star;
For the great and small ... the good and bad,
The young and old ... the sad and glad,

Are asking today: Is life worth living?
The answer is only in loving and giving.
For only Love can make man kind
And kindness of heart brings peace of mind.

By giving love, we can start this year
To lift the clouds of hate and fear.

Helen Steiner Rice