See Rock City

See Rock City

Friday, January 1, 2016

Murphy's Laws And Others

Murphy's Laws and Others
Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease,
your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

Law of Gravity
Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped,
will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.

Law of Probability
The probability of being watched
is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal;
someone always answers.

Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will
always move faster than the one you are in now.

Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically
when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work,

Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always
arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to
go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of
the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come
early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to
the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

The Coffee Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask
you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor,
are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like,
they will stop making it, OR the store will stop selling it!!

Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor,
by the time you get there you'll feel better..
But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.

Why English Is Hard to Learn

Why English Is Hard to Learn

We will begin with box; the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox is oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, and two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose is never called meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a house full of mice;
But the plural of house is houses, not hice.
The plural of man is always men,
But the plural of pan is never pen.

If I speak of a foot, and you show me two feet,
And I give you a book, would a pair be a beek?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't two booths be called a beeth?

If the singular's this and the plural is these,
Should the plural of kiss be ever called keese?

We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his, and him;
But imagine the feminine...she, shis, and shim.
Got it?