Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Monday, May 3, 2010
Great Puns
Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.
My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just kiln time.
Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.
If electricity comes from electrons... does that mean that morality comes from morons?
A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
Banning the bra was a big flop.
Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
Without geometry, life is pointless.
When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.
Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I
Source: Internet
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.
My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just kiln time.
Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.
If electricity comes from electrons... does that mean that morality comes from morons?
A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
Banning the bra was a big flop.
Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
Without geometry, life is pointless.
When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.
Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I
Source: Internet
Wise Sayings
Wise Sayings: Government
1. In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or moreis a Congress. -- John Adams
2. If you don't read the newspaper, you are uninformed; if you do read the newspaper, you are misinformed. -- Mark Twain
3. Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a memberof Congress. But then I repeat myself. -- Mark Twain
4. I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle. -- Winston Churchill
5. A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
-- George Bernard Shaw
6. A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money. -- G. Gordon Liddy
7. Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner. -- James Bovard
8. Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries. -- Douglas Casey
9. Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. -- P.J. O'Rourke
10. Government is the great fiction, through which everybodyendeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. -- Frederic Bastiat
11. Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving,regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.
-- Ronald Reagan
12. I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. -- Will Rogers
13. If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. -- P.J. O'Rourke
14. In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other. -- Voltaire
15. Just because you do not take an interest in politicsdoesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you. -- Pericles (430 B.C.)
16. No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.
-- Mark Twain
17. Talk is cheap... except when Congress does it. -- Anonymous
18. The government is like a baby's alimentary canal,with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other. -- Ronald Reagan
19. The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharingof the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery. -- Winston Churchill
20. The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermistis that the taxidermist leaves the skin. -- Mark Twain
21. The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. -- Herbert Spencer
22. There is no distinctly native American criminal class...save Congress. -- Mark Twain
23. A government big enough to give you everything you want,is strong enough to take everything you have. -- Gerald Ford
Source: Internet
1. In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or moreis a Congress. -- John Adams
2. If you don't read the newspaper, you are uninformed; if you do read the newspaper, you are misinformed. -- Mark Twain
3. Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a memberof Congress. But then I repeat myself. -- Mark Twain
4. I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle. -- Winston Churchill
5. A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
-- George Bernard Shaw
6. A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money. -- G. Gordon Liddy
7. Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner. -- James Bovard
8. Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries. -- Douglas Casey
9. Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. -- P.J. O'Rourke
10. Government is the great fiction, through which everybodyendeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. -- Frederic Bastiat
11. Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving,regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.
-- Ronald Reagan
12. I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. -- Will Rogers
13. If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. -- P.J. O'Rourke
14. In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other. -- Voltaire
15. Just because you do not take an interest in politicsdoesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you. -- Pericles (430 B.C.)
16. No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.
-- Mark Twain
17. Talk is cheap... except when Congress does it. -- Anonymous
18. The government is like a baby's alimentary canal,with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other. -- Ronald Reagan
19. The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharingof the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery. -- Winston Churchill
20. The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermistis that the taxidermist leaves the skin. -- Mark Twain
21. The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. -- Herbert Spencer
22. There is no distinctly native American criminal class...save Congress. -- Mark Twain
23. A government big enough to give you everything you want,is strong enough to take everything you have. -- Gerald Ford
Source: Internet
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Wise Words
'Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.'
A sharp tongue can cut my own throat.
If I want my dreams to come true, I mustn't oversleep.
Of all the things I wear, my expression is the most important.
The best vitamin for making friends...B1.
The happiness of my life depends on the quality of my thoughts.
The heaviest thing I can carry is a grudge.
One thing I can give and still keep...is my word.
I lie the loudest when I lie to myself.
If I lack the courage to start, I have already finished. One thing I can't recycle
is wasted time.
Ideas won't work unless ' I ' do.
My mind is like a parachute...it functions only when open.
The 10 commandments are not a multiple choice.
The pursuit of happiness is the chase of a lifetime! It is never too late to become what I might have been.
Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right...Forget about the one's who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.
Friends are like balloons; once you let them go, you might not get them back. Sometimes we get so busy with our own lives and problems that we may not even notice that we've let them fly away. Sometimes we are so caught up in who's right and who's wrong that we forget what's right and wrong. Sometimes we just don't realize what real friendship means until it is too late. I don't want to let that happen so I'm gonna tie you to my heart so I never lose you.
Source: Internet
A sharp tongue can cut my own throat.
If I want my dreams to come true, I mustn't oversleep.
Of all the things I wear, my expression is the most important.
The best vitamin for making friends...B1.
The happiness of my life depends on the quality of my thoughts.
The heaviest thing I can carry is a grudge.
One thing I can give and still keep...is my word.
I lie the loudest when I lie to myself.
If I lack the courage to start, I have already finished. One thing I can't recycle
is wasted time.
Ideas won't work unless ' I ' do.
My mind is like a parachute...it functions only when open.
The 10 commandments are not a multiple choice.
The pursuit of happiness is the chase of a lifetime! It is never too late to become what I might have been.
Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right...Forget about the one's who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.
Friends are like balloons; once you let them go, you might not get them back. Sometimes we get so busy with our own lives and problems that we may not even notice that we've let them fly away. Sometimes we are so caught up in who's right and who's wrong that we forget what's right and wrong. Sometimes we just don't realize what real friendship means until it is too late. I don't want to let that happen so I'm gonna tie you to my heart so I never lose you.
Source: Internet
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Newspaper Map - This Is Great
WHOEVER CAME UP WITH THIS IS REALLY GOOD.. !!!
Just put your mouse on a city anywhere in the world and the newspaper headlines pop up... Double click and the page gets larger....you can read the entire paper on some if you click on the right place. You can spend forever here !
Click Here: For Today's Front Pages
Also, if you look at the European papers, the far left side of Germany will pop up as The Stars & Stripes (European edition, of course).. AND, this site changes every day with the publication of new editions of the paper.
Source: Internet
Just put your mouse on a city anywhere in the world and the newspaper headlines pop up... Double click and the page gets larger....you can read the entire paper on some if you click on the right place. You can spend forever here !
Click Here: For Today's Front Pages
Also, if you look at the European papers, the far left side of Germany will pop up as The Stars & Stripes (European edition, of course).. AND, this site changes every day with the publication of new editions of the paper.
Source: Internet
Monday, March 1, 2010
Accident In Flagstaff Arizona
Follow directions…there are two pictures, but you must read the caption right after the first picture before you see the second picture…!
Read The Caption on the first photo then look at the second photo
Look at the picture above and you can see where this driver broke through the guard rail, on the right side of the culvert, where the people are standing on the road, pointing.
The pick-up was traveling about 75 mph from right to left when it crashed through the guardrail.
It flipped end-over-end, bounced off and across the culvert outlet and landed right side up on the left side of the culvert, facing the opposite direction from which the driver was traveling.
The 22-year-old driver and his 18-year-old passenger were unhurt except for minor cuts and bruises.
Just outside Flagstaff , AZ on U.S. Hwy 100.
Now look at the second picture below...
If this guy didn't believe in a God before, do you suppose he believes now? Share this email with family and friends. The greater the miracle, the more profound the faith.
Sent From The Internet
Read The Caption on the first photo then look at the second photo
Look at the picture above and you can see where this driver broke through the guard rail, on the right side of the culvert, where the people are standing on the road, pointing.
The pick-up was traveling about 75 mph from right to left when it crashed through the guardrail.
It flipped end-over-end, bounced off and across the culvert outlet and landed right side up on the left side of the culvert, facing the opposite direction from which the driver was traveling.
The 22-year-old driver and his 18-year-old passenger were unhurt except for minor cuts and bruises.
Just outside Flagstaff , AZ on U.S. Hwy 100.
Now look at the second picture below...
If this guy didn't believe in a God before, do you suppose he believes now? Share this email with family and friends. The greater the miracle, the more profound the faith.
Sent From The Internet
Thursday, February 25, 2010
"Ponderables"
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
The severity of the itch is proportional to inability to the reach it.
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.
A fool and his money are soon partying.
Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.
It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
If the shoe fits, get another one just like it. (actually, this is very true. When I find a shoe I really love, I try to get at least two pair because I'll never find them again!)
Eat right. Stay fit. Die healthy.
The (good) things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in a boat drinking all day.
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats. (This sounds like quantum mechanics!)
Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. (Sad, but somewhat true.)
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
The severity of the itch is proportional to inability to the reach it.
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.
A fool and his money are soon partying.
Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.
It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
If the shoe fits, get another one just like it. (actually, this is very true. When I find a shoe I really love, I try to get at least two pair because I'll never find them again!)
Eat right. Stay fit. Die healthy.
The (good) things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in a boat drinking all day.
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats. (This sounds like quantum mechanics!)
Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. (Sad, but somewhat true.)
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