If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me...they were cramming for their finals.
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks, so I wonder what
Chinese mothers use.Toothpicks?
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . .write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail?
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?
Clones are people two.
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone. I said, "The whole time."
So what's the speed of dark?
I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
Source: Terry and Larry