Notes From Tacky Cards

"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love.
After having met you, I've changed my mind."

"Looking back over the years that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder: What the heck was I thinking?"

"As the days go by,
 I think of how lucky I am that you're not
 here to ruin it for me."

"Congratulations on your promotion.
 Before you go, I would like you to take this knife
out of my back. You'll probably need it again."

"Someday I hope to get married, but not to you."

"I just want you to know that I'm sorry for what happened, especially since you survived."

"Happy Birthday! You look great for your age...
Almost Lifelike!"

"Congratulations on getting married!
It's not every day you decide to ruin your life!"

"I always wanted to be rich, powerful, and well respected.
While I'm dreaming, I wish you weren't so darn ugly."