See Rock City

See Rock City

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Monday, May 3, 2010

Great Puns

Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just kiln time.

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.

If electricity comes from electrons... does that mean that morality comes from morons?

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

Banning the bra was a big flop.

Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

Without geometry, life is pointless.

When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I

Source: Internet

Wise Sayings

Wise Sayings: Government

1. In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or moreis a Congress. -- John Adams

2. If you don't read the newspaper, you are uninformed; if you do read the newspaper, you are misinformed. -- Mark Twain

3. Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a memberof Congress. But then I repeat myself. -- Mark Twain

4. I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle. -- Winston Churchill

5. A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
-- George Bernard Shaw

6. A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money. -- G. Gordon Liddy

7. Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner. -- James Bovard

8. Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries. -- Douglas Casey

9. Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. -- P.J. O'Rourke

10. Government is the great fiction, through which everybodyendeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. -- Frederic Bastiat

11. Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving,regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.
-- Ronald Reagan

12. I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. -- Will Rogers

13. If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. -- P.J. O'Rourke

14. In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other. -- Voltaire

15. Just because you do not take an interest in politicsdoesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you. -- Pericles (430 B.C.)

16. No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.
-- Mark Twain

17. Talk is cheap... except when Congress does it. -- Anonymous

18. The government is like a baby's alimentary canal,with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other. -- Ronald Reagan

19. The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharingof the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery. -- Winston Churchill

20. The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermistis that the taxidermist leaves the skin. -- Mark Twain

21. The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. -- Herbert Spencer

22. There is no distinctly native American criminal Congress. -- Mark Twain

23. A government big enough to give you everything you want,is strong enough to take everything you have. -- Gerald Ford

Source: Internet