Funny Definitions

Aquadextrious:

The art of turning the bathtub tap on with your toes.

Pain:

A cat licking your sunburn.

Budget:

A method for going broke methodically.

Willpower:

The ability to eat only one salted peanut.

Profanity:

The linguistic crutch of inarticulate idiots.

Boat:

A hole in the water surrounded by wood into which one pours money.

Bachelor:

One who treats all women as sequels.

Cigarette:

A pinch of tobacco, wrapped in paper, fire at one end, fool at the other.

Flashlight:

A case for holding dead batteries.

Taxpayer:

Someone who doesn't have to take a public service exam to work for the government.

Consciousness:

That annoying time between naps.

Stress:

The confusion created when ones mind overrides the body's basic desire to choke the living daylights out of some idiot who desperately needs it.

Jury:

Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer

Chickens:

The only animals you eat before they are born and after they're dead.

Hospitality:

Making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were.

Adult:

A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

Source: Internet