Yesterday, I wore my Vietnam Veterans cap when I went to Wal-Mart. There was nothing in particular that I needed at the world's largest retailer; but, since I retired, trips to Wally World to look at the Walmartians is always good for some comic relief. Besides, I always feel pretty normal after seeing some of the people that frequent the establishment. But, I digress... enough of my psychological fixations.
While standing in
line to check out, the guy in front of me, probably in his mid twenties, asked,
"Are you a Viet Nam Vet?"
"Then why are you
wearing that cap?"?
couldn't find the one from the War of 1812." I thought it was
a snappy retort.
"The War of 1812,
huh?" the Walmartian queried, "When was
God forgive me,
but I couldn't pass up such an opportunity. "1936," I answered as
straight-faced as possible.
He pondered my
response for a moment and responded, "Why do they call it the War of 1812 if
it was in 1936?"
"It was a Black
Op. No one is supposed to know about it." This was
beginning to be way fun!
"Dude! Really?" he
exclaimed. "How did you get to do something that COOOOL?"
furtively around me for effect, leaned toward the guy and in a low voice
said, "I'm not sure. I
was the only Caucasian on the mission."
"Dude," he was
really getting excited about what he was hearing, "that is seriously awesome!
But, didn't you kind of stand out?"
"Not really. The
other guys were wearing white camouflage."
The moron nodded
"Listen man," I said in a very serious tone, "You can't tell
anyone about this. It's still 'top secret' and I shouldn't have said
"Oh yeah?" he gave
me the 'don't threaten me look.' "Like, what's gonna happen if I
With a really hard
look I said, "You have a family don't you? We wouldn't want anything to happen
to them, would we?"
The guy gulped,
left his basket where it was and fled through the door. By this time the lady
behind me was about to have a heart attack she was laughing so hard. I just
grinned at her.
After checking out
and going to the parking lot I saw Dimwit leaning in a car window talking to a
young woman. Upon catching sight of me he started pointing excitedly in my
direction. Giving him another 'deadly' serious look, I made the 'I see you'
gesture. He turned kind of pale, jumped in the car and sped out of the parking
What a great time!
Tomorrow I'm going back with my Homeland Security cap.
Then the next day
I will go to the license agency and wear my Border Patrol hat,and see how long
it takes to empty the place.
retirement is boring just needs the right kind of cap!